Cat News

Disappointingly, the cat drama has come to nothing. Everyone gathered yesterday at the court house for the most epic of feline battles, but it turns out that Leona had forgotten to pay the court fees, so the case couldn’t be heard. Milo is guiltily delighted that if Leona wants to pursue her cat further, it will cost her not only a new set of air fares, but also her already battered pride. She told him yesterday that she has 12 cats in Italy and he is welcome to one of those in exchange for the one residing with him and his girlfriend.

Only Guy, and unusually for a working day, his wife Lucinda, were in this morning. Lucinda is a South African who has made her home here – and proudly went through the Citizenship ceremony a few months back to legalise it all. Outwardly, she’s Mrs Laid-Back; all smiles and greetings, but underneath the glamour (blonde, peachy skinned and a perfect 10), she’s ridden with crippling jealousy that leaves her believing that every woman at 24hour is secretly harbouring feelings for Guy. Any eye contact with Guy in her presence brings on a tirade about how ‘difficult it is to be the wife of such a good looking man; even the vicar oggles his bum’. I’m always on the verge of telling her that Guy looks like a 14 year old boy with the body of a 50 year old man, and the sight of him in his cycling lycra brings on feelings so far removed from lust that they could be categorised as clinical revulsion. But, I suspect she’d see my protestations as guilt, and the last thing I need is another stalker.

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